Networking without the Nerves

From Awkward to Authentic: Networking that Actually Works

Even after attending hundreds of networking events and crushing my goals at each one, I felt that familiar knot in my stomach walking into my first event after a long break: “I don’t know anyone in this room.” It took a few reps before I recovered from that initial trepidation.

I have a strong sales background and typically leave these events having surpassed all the networking goals I set for myself (yes, I set goals, and they are usually aggressive). But experiencing my own moment of anxiety, combined with every single person I met telling me how much stress these events cause them, made me realize something important.

That’s when it hit me – if someone like me still gets nervous, imagine how paralyzing this must be for people who don’t have a system.

So, I decided to revisit and share my playbook on how to not only survive but absolutely thrive in networking while actually enjoying the process.

Let’s start with why networking matters so much. I believe it’s a massively under-indexed skill with exponential value that compounds over time. Listen to any podcast with a successful leader, and you’ll hear the same pattern: someone provided the opportunity, taught them something crucial, made a key introduction, sponsored their advancement, mentored them through challenges, became their first customer, or simply believed in them when no one else did.

Strategic relationships are what make the magic happen. And here’s the thing, as we enter the age of AI and automation, authentic human connections will become even more valuable, not less.

At its core, networking is simply the process of establishing, activating, and maintaining meaningful connections with others. These relationships should be genuine, with trust, mutual admiration, and be mutually beneficial.

Now for the playbook that makes this all possible:

The Golden Rules:

1. Be interested first, then interesting.
2. Give abundantly, and in time you will Get.
3. They won’t remember what you said, but how you made them feel.

Mindset Matters:

1. I am here to give.
2. I have value to add, even if I’m not sure what that is yet.
3. I want to help every person I meet in some way.
4. I am courageous and can do hard things.
5. I will be proactive during this event and use the line “I don’t know anyone here, do you all mind if I join you.” – No one will ever say no to that!
6. This can be a fun game that I’m playing, if I bring joy and adventure, and set outlandish goals.
7. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Your Strategic Introduction

Here’s where preparation pays off, and you’ll need to do some work ahead of time:

Make your introduction brief, captivating, and offer some form of value to the recipient. Tailor this based on your audience.

Keep it simple: what are 3 compelling things about you? Brainstorm a top 10 list of unique and memorable things about yourself that you can customize and share 3 for different people and situations. I always find that adding humor and humility helps. You want to make people curious about you.

A few items from my list: CFO Champion, Mom x 7, Part of a Generational Napa Valley winemaking family, Aspiring 100-mile ultra runner, Brave entrepreneur, Connector of great people to great opportunities, Possibility chaser, Mountain Mover – you get the idea. Things that are interesting and unique to you.

And who doesn’t want to know a great connector? That’s the value I provide.

Purpose of a Network

Next, be crystal clear on the purpose of a network and how to best leverage and activate these relationships. Think of this through the Give | Get lens I mentioned earlier. When meeting someone, your primary objective is to help them with these four things by asking the right questions to uncover their needs. But you also must be clear on these answers for yourself and ready to speak to them when someone asks.

1. Achieve Goals
2. Gain Insights
3. Build Greater Influence (be more relevant, credible, and compelling)
4. Connect People who should know each other.

The Questions to ask them (and yourself):

Achieve Goals: What do you need to be successful over the next 12 months?  What is most valuable to you and why?  How can I help?

Gain Insights: What will help you become a thought leader or trusted advisor?  What type of insights or information will make the greatest difference?  Where could you use some help?

Build Greater Influence: What will make you more relevant, credible, and compelling?  What people, roles, experiences, opportunities, events? Who is the audience you are trying to reach?

Connect People who should know each other:  Who would you like to know and why?  Be as specific as you can – name specific people or describe them precisely like “CEOs of SaaS companies with $100-$500 million in revenue located in the SF Bay Area” or “Decision makers for the speakers at XYZ conference.”

That “I don’t know anyone in this room” feeling never fully goes away, and that’s okay.  The difference is that now you have a system that transforms that nervous energy into meaningful connections.  You’re no longer walking in empty-handed and hoping for the best.  You’re walking in as someone ready to give, to connect, and to create value.  And when you approach networking from that place of abundance rather than scarcity, something magical happens: you stop networking and start building relationships. Now go make some magic happen!

What’s Next?

We’re just scratching the surface here. In upcoming articles, I’ll share playbooks for other networking scenarios: building your internal network and influence at work, securing strategic introductions, maximizing conferences, and more. Each situation has its own nuances, but with thoughtfulness, intention, and the right strategies, you’ll become the well-connected connector you’re meant to be.